Notices re: Goblin Drops

The Department has taped these to Goblin Drops materials. The coach keeps removing them. The Department keeps copies.

— Dr. Gloopglop

A grey filing cabinet bursting with paper notices

Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "Ask me about ingredients? Watch my results!!!"
Testimonials are not evidence. This page never says what is in the bottle or how much.
Source: FTC: Endorsement Guides, What People Are Asking
— Dr. Gloopglop
please remove!!! —M. 💖
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: Before and after
A before-and-after shows one person, once, chosen by the seller. These are the same picture, squashed.
Source: FTC: Gut Check, spotting false weight-loss claims
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "Doctor-formulated. Lab-certified. Approved."
Nobody has approved this. Ask who approved it, and for what. Real hCG drops are not approved for weight loss at all.
Source: FDA: Avoid dangerous hCG diet products
— Dr. Gloopglop
please remove!!! —M. 💖
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "I made 30,000 coins last month!!!"
Ask for the income disclosure. In real plans like this, most people earn little or nothing, and many lose money.
Source: FTC: Notice of Penalty Offenses Concerning Money-Making Opportunities
— Dr. Gloopglop
please remove!!! —M. 💖
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "Buy the big starter crate for a bigger discount"
Your discount grows with what you buy, not what you sell. That is how storerooms fill up.
Source: FTC: Business Guidance Concerning Multi-Level Marketing
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: Bonuses for every goblin you sign up
Pay that depends on recruits, not on sales to real customers, is the pyramid warning sign.
Source: FTC: Multi-level marketing businesses and pyramid schemes
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: Autoship and the annual renewal
Count what it costs to stay in, every month and every year, before you count what you might earn.
Source: FTC: Business Guidance Concerning Multi-Level Marketing
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "This is NOT an MLM!!!"
What a plan calls itself does not matter. How it pays does.
Source: FTC: Business Guidance Concerning Multi-Level Marketing
— Dr. Gloopglop
please remove!!! —M. 💖
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "Only 3 spots left on my team!!!"
Fake urgency. The spots are never full, and the timer starts again when you reload.
Source: FTC: Bringing Dark Patterns to Light (staff report, 2022)
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: "Melts. Detoxes. Resets."
Words that sound medical, with nothing behind them. A real claim needs real evidence.
Source: FTC: Notice of Penalty Offenses Concerning Substantiation
— Dr. Gloopglop
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: Quit Sticks: "quit the old habit with a new one!!!"
A product that sells you the habit it claims to cure. No e-cigarette is approved as a way to quit, and real quit help is free.
Source: FDA: 10 facts about what FDA does and does not approve
— Dr. Gloopglop
please remove!!! —M. 💖
Notice · Goblin Health Department
Re: The small print
Read what you agree to and what you lose if you leave, before you sign anything.
Source: the contract you were about to sign.
— Dr. Gloopglop

Real help

If a real plan or product like this has cost you money or your health:

ReportFraud.ftc.govReport a business opportunity or product that cheated you.
FTC: MLMs and pyramid schemesWhat to ask before you join anything that pays you to recruit.
FTC: The truth behind weight-loss adsThe promises no product can keep.
1-800-QUIT-NOWFree, confidential help to quit smoking or vaping, from your state quitline (US).
Smokefree.govFree tools and text programs for quitting.

Every link here was checked at its source on 2026-11-11.

Goblin Drops, its coach, its plan and its results are fictional.