Privacy Policy and Data Non-Proliferation Treaty of GoblinLife.org

This page has two parts. Part 1 is our ceremonial, satirical privacy manifesto. Part 2 is the plain-English policy that actually describes what we collect and who we share it with. Where they differ, Part 2 is the real one.

Part 1: The Ceremonial Text

Preamble: The Anti-Ghoul Manifesto Let us be agonizingly clear from the outset: We do not want your personal data. We have absolutely no use for it, no desire to store it, and lack the sociopathic business acumen required to monetize it. Your browsing habits, consumer preferences, and demographic granularities are intensely boring to us. We are not building a psychological profile to sell you drop-shipped mattresses or highly caffeinated brain supplements.

Section 1: The Accidental Ingestion of Telemetry (What We "Collect") 1.1.0 We collect virtually nothing on purpose. 1.2.0 However, the User acknowledges that the underlying machinery of the modern internet is incredibly fragile and prone to spontaneous combustion. Therefore, to ensure our digital architecture does not collapse into a smoldering heap of 500-level HTTP errors, certain rudimentary telemetry is passively ingested. 1.2.1 This telemetry includes, but is not limited to: anonymized crash logs, performance metrics, ping times, and the frantic, repeated clicking of a button that is clearly labeled as non-functional. 1.3.0 The User agrees that if we inadvertently capture a fleeting snapshot of their IP address during a critical system failure, it is treated as toxic waste, not a corporate asset.

Section 2: The Monolithic Third-Party Entities (Our Infrastructure) 2.1.0 GoblinLife.org does not exist in a vacuum; it is propped up by heavily fortified, third-party infrastructure providers that handle our routing, edge networks, and backend databases. For security reasons, we will not name them, as providing our exact stack to the general public is tantamount to leaving the keys in the ignition of a stolen car. 2.2.0 The Routing Sentinels: Traffic to and from this domain is handled by a globally distributed cloud provider. They collect standard, anonymized network telemetry to prevent DDoS attacks and ensure rapid load times. If you wish to read their specific privacy policies, we recommend doing so the next time you are suffering from acute insomnia. 2.3.0 The Authentication Citadel: If the User chooses to create an account, their credentials (passwords, session tokens) are managed by a massive, industry-standard backend provider. Your authentication data lives securely in their encrypted vaults, not in our pockets. We literally could not read your password if we tried, nor do we want to.

Section 3: The Zero-Monetization Guarantee 3.1.0 We do not sell, rent, lease, or barter your information to data brokers, ad-tech vampires, or the algorithmic slop-merchants of the Clanker Singularity. 3.2.0 If any unauthorized data harvesting is discovered occurring on this domain, the User agrees to understand that it is the result of either (A) an automated diagnostic process running amok, or (B) a catastrophic structural failure in our codebase, rather than a malicious capitalization scheme.

Section 4: Cookies and Digital Crumbs 4.1.0 We use strictly necessary session tokens so the website remembers that you are logged in when you refresh the page. 4.2.0 We do not deploy invasive, cross-site tracking cookies. We do not follow you around the internet. Once you close this tab and return to the bleak reality of the corporate web, you are entirely dead to us. 4.3.0 The User acknowledges that any "cookie banner" they expect to see is absent by design, as we are not legally obligated to ask permission to not stalk you.

Section 5: Data Retention and Vaporization 5.1.0 Any passive data collected is retained only for as long as it is functionally necessary to keep the servers breathing, after which it is overwritten, scrubbed, or otherwise hurled into the digital abyss. 5.2.0 In the event that the Administrator accidentally drops the production database during a midnight refactor, your data will be deleted instantly and without prejudice. You may not sue us for this, as you have already agreed that your data is worthless (See Preamble).

Section 6: The Right to Be Forgotten 6.1.0 You have the legal right to request that we delete whatever fragmented, useless data we might theoretically hold on you. 6.2.0 To exercise this right, the User may submit a formal request. However, the User should note that by the time they finish drafting the email, we will have likely already forgotten they exist, fulfilling the request on a purely metaphysical level.

Part 2: The Plain-English Terms (the part that binds)

Effective October 19, 2026.

This explains what GoblinLife.org collects and why. Short version: we collect what the Site needs to work, we do not sell or share your personal information for advertising, and card details never touch our servers.

Who we are. GoblinLife.org and its sites (www, GNN, SUMG, the Goblin Store, the Arena and related services) are run by an independent operator who is the "controller" of your personal data. Contact: support@goblinlife.org.

1. What we collect

Account: email address, display name, profile photo, and anything you add to your profile (bio, optional real name, colors, avatar). Sign-in is run by Google Firebase Authentication. Your display name, bio, avatar, any real name you enter, your game stats (XP, level, badges, cosmetics) and a list of your recent public actions (comments, forum posts and reactions) are public. Your email address is never shown publicly.
New sign-ups: when you create an account, the site operator is notified (your display name, email address, sign-in provider and whether your email is verified) so new accounts can be reviewed for abuse.
Newsletter (optional): if you subscribe to the GNN Weekly Digest we collect your email address and, to block fraudulent sign-ups, the IP address you subscribed from. You are only subscribed after you confirm by clicking the link in the confirmation email. The list is held by our newsletter provider (Buttondown), not in our own database.
Content you post: articles, forum posts, comments, G-Hole links, VibeCoder prompts and published apps, and files you upload. These are public unless a feature says otherwise.
Purchases: when you buy from the Goblin Store, Stripe collects your payment details, billing information, email and (for merchandise) shipping address. We receive your name, email, shipping address, what you bought, the amount, and payment status. We do not receive your full card number.
Usage data: features you use, interactions, approximate online presence, and technical data such as IP address, browser and device type, collected through our own activity events and hosting and analytics tools (Vercel Analytics and Speed Insights). Your page-view history is kept only in your own browser (to show you your recent visits); we do not store it on your profile.
Feedback: the text you send in the feedback form, the page you were on, and your browser string.
Cookies and local storage: see section 5.

2. How we use it

To run your account and the Site; to show your content; to process and ship orders and handle refunds and disputes; to prevent fraud and abuse; to measure and improve the Site; to answer you; and to meet legal obligations. We do not sell your personal information and we do not use it for third-party advertising.

3. Who we share it with

Service providers that process data for us:

Google Firebase (sign-in and database) and Google Gemini (AI features: VibeCoder prompts, article tools and feedback triage are sent to the Gemini API for processing).
Stripe (payments, fraud checks, receipts).
Printful (receives your name, shipping address and email to print and ship merchandise).
Vercel (hosting, logs, analytics) and Cloudflare (DNS and R2 image and file storage).
Buttondown (holds the newsletter list and sends the confirmation and weekly emails) and Resend (sends one welcome email with the current digest right after you confirm).
GitHub (feedback may be turned into an internal issue).

We may also disclose information to comply with law, to enforce our terms, to respond to payment disputes (for example, giving Stripe and your bank order and delivery records), to protect rights and safety, or in a sale or reorganization of the Site. Data may be processed in the United States and other countries where these providers operate.

4. How long we keep it

Account and profile data: until you ask us to delete the account. Newsletter email: until you unsubscribe (then the provider keeps a suppression record so you are never emailed again). Order and payment records: as long as needed for tax, accounting and dispute purposes. Abuse-prevention rate-limit records: deleted automatically after their time window (minutes to a day). Logs and analytics: as long as the provider's settings keep them. Public content may remain in caches or copies others made after deletion.

5. Cookies

We do not use advertising or cross-site tracking cookies. The cookie banner is satirical, but its choices are real: "Reject All" turns off every optional cookie in one click, and nothing optional is switched on until you choose. You can change your mind any time under Settings → Privacy & Cookies (Settings is at the bottom of the menu on every page).

Name	What it does	Lasts	Type
`__session`	Keeps you logged in across goblinlife.org sites	up to 14 days	strictly necessary
`__logged_out`	Remembers that you just logged out, so you are not signed back in	1 day	strictly necessary
`gl_consent`	Stores your cookie choices	1 year	strictly necessary
`gl_newsletter_prompted`	Remembers you have seen the newsletter prompt, so we never show it again (stores only "1")	180 days, or the browser session if you rejected preference cookies	preference
Other `gl_*` cookies listed in the cookie panel	Themes, sound and motion settings, game and meme features	up to 1 year	optional

We also use your browser's local storage (which never leaves your device unless a feature says so) for things like your recent page visits, whether you finished or skipped the site tour, and game state.

6. Your choices and rights

You can edit your profile any time. Unsubscribe from the newsletter with the link in any newsletter email. To access, correct, export or delete your data, or to object to processing, email support@goblinlife.org from your account address. We will respond within 30 days (45 where California law allows). We may need to verify who you are, and we may keep records we are legally required to keep (such as orders).

No automated decisions: we do not make decisions with legal or similarly significant effects about you by automated means. New accounts are reviewed by a person.
Global Privacy Control: we do not sell or share personal information, so there is nothing to opt out of, but we treat a GPC signal as a valid opt-out request.
California and similar laws: you may ask what personal information we hold, request deletion or correction, and we will not discriminate against you for asking. We do not sell or share personal information for cross-context advertising.
EU/UK: our legal bases are contract (running your account and orders), consent (the newsletter and optional cookies; you can withdraw it any time), legitimate interests (security, abuse prevention including review of new sign-ups, improvement) and legal obligation. You may also complain to your data protection authority.

7. Children

The Site is not for children under 13 and we do not knowingly collect their data. If you believe a child gave us personal information, email support@goblinlife.org and we will delete it.

8. Security

We use reasonable measures, including encrypted connections and access controls. No system is perfectly secure, so we cannot guarantee absolute security. Do not put secrets in prompts, posts or public apps.

9. Changes

We will update this page and its date when practices change. Continued use means you accept the update.

10. Contact

support@goblinlife.org